Scattered yet Whole

New places, new faces. First, the relief of being done with travel. The excitement of living in a new place, with new surroundings, the promise of new beginnings. The absence of loved ones, made somewhat more painful by the proximity through technology. Lebanese nights enjoyed in the diesel jasmine smell of summer, forgetfulness achieved by dancing, we’re having the times of our lives.
The heart that breaks a little each time we’re coming and going, I feel like I’m leaving parts of me everywhere I go, scattering pieces of me on beloved lands, each of them promises of returns. Airport halls and connexions, incoming flight landing, few days spent half enjoying half missing what we have left behind, another flight another landing, coming back to what we’re learning to call home, half enjoying half missing what we have left behind.
A flicker of sadness fluttering on my face amidst a laughter, a silent tear within excitement, not fully belonging neither here nor there, the feeling by now so familiar it’s like another organ that painfully carved its way into me.
Picking up traces of beauty as I go, finding comfort and solace in the smile of a friend, the sun setting above the sea, the warmth and the energy of a city I’m too in love with to blame.
Looking for an anchor and finally realizing the it was there all along, that perfect mosaic of imperfect things, faces, places, dwellings and experiences, the anchor keeping me grounded, the umbilical cord linking me to the world.
A tenuous thread starting from my heart, plugged into this city, pomping energy from its never ending supply, pulsating as she moves, beating as she, and I, live on.


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