That must have been her thousandth cigarette.
Fine, so she was smoking like a chimney. So who cared? You had to die from something didn’t you?
Granted, you were not forced to do so agonizing with your blackened lungs, but still. And in any case, smoking was the only thing that kept her balanced at the moment. You know, the usual addict excuse.
Jesus Fucking Christ, did these chairs need to be so rickety? Bread republic really was too shabby for its own good. Sacrificing comfort for some Old World Bourgois Boheme was not worth it. She tried to convey waves of aggression to the oblivious waitress, Melat, who always seemed to float several meters above the ground. Her slender figure seemed to gracefully slalom between tables, while her stare went beyond everyone’s head. Gabrielle sometimes thought that looking at her was like looking in a mirror: slim, sharp and eyes closed for no one to see what was behind.
Today, she quite simply hated everything. And everyone. But most importantly, herself.
Nina came, that dreadful Beirut Princess in tow, closely followed by a Lily who was looking quite disheveled. Quite a bit like someone who had just stumbled out of bed. With someone, that is, not from a deep slumber with Orpheus.
– Habibi, you look like shit.
Nina stated the unnecessary obvious.
– You should see how I feel inside.
– No need. It’s all there on your face.
– Thanks Nina my love, always a relief to see you. How’s the fucked up life of Little Yas?
– So i’m not stupid BP any longer? It’s so good to feel like I’m finally turning into a human being with you Gaby.
Lily was not joining the usual greeting banter.
– Lil! What’s up 3omri? Even looking and feeling like shit I indulge in our little uplifing dance. What’s wrong?
– You’re like the worst liar there ever was, said Nina rummaging into her huge bag for God Knows What. AND, my delirious brother has stopped answering my calls altogether, so I’m doing an intervention at his place after our brunch here. I’m not overly worried, mind you, he’s probably deep in his existential angst, asking himself whether Trotsky really was right.
– I slept with him!
– VERY Funny Gabrielle! Ziad! I slept with Ziad! Nina! Say something, don’t sit there looking as if you saw a ghost!
– Gabrielle. Give me a cigarette, no but and don’t object, give me a cigarette right fucking now I need it.
Gabrielle obeyed. She knew when not to upset Mother Nina.
– Lily. Nina’s voice was dangerously low. It was the Icy Queen Tone she used with her friends, family and clients when they were being particularly unreasonable. Lily. My brother means the world to me you know that. And you mean the universe. But my brother is a stupid immature dickhead who still needs to find out who he is and he’s bad for you.
– I love him.
– Great, we’ll bring the violins some other time if you don’t mind, I’m not finished yet.
– Oh Goodie.
– Nina, let her speak. You’ll have all the time in the world to lay down your judgment and tell her what she should do.
Nina looked at Gabrielle as if she had lost an ally. Seriously, where was the world coming to if people didn’t listen to the voice of reason, aka, herself?
– Fine, she conceded curtly.
Lily sighed. This was not going to be easy.
– So, after I had taken the high road and decided I would wait and see, the events carried me away, if I may say so. He kept calling me,playing me music, stupid things really. Said his life was meaningless if I wasn’t in it. He said a lot of things, mouhem, he said that I was the only one that mattered. But I wouldn’t listen, or I would, but wouldn’t answer. And so. So he showed up one evening. He looked at me Nina, he just had to look at me, and something melted, deep inside. Next thing I know we’re kissing and clinging on to each other as if we were drowning. He carries me, he carries me and I let him, one look and I’m gone and honestly I kind of lost track of time, and space and everything. Just his skin is enough.
– Ewww that’s my brother we’re talking about ewwww
– And it has been like that since then. He comes, we have, yes Nina cover up your chaste ears, we have mind blowing sex, we share a cigarette, he looks at me, he opens his mouth to speak and I shut him up, with a kiss or my finger on his mouth.
– But why? The Beiruti Princess seemed puzzled. Mesmerized, moved, and very, very puzzled.
– Because I don’t want to spoil it with words. I know words. I work with them. I know they can spoil everything, they have that power.
– Speaking of words, I read the new and improved version of your column, it’s brilliant.
– Yes yes, thank you Nina, but for now my brain is frozen, I can’t think of anything else than your brother.
– That’s because of all the sex, volunteered Gabrielle.
The waitress was waiting for them to order, poised with her pen in her hand. God knows for how long she’d been there. She probably did not know it herself. All 5 women in a circle, none of their minds within.
– I’ll have a ginger juice please, thank you
– An raqwe please, no cardamom no sugar no nothing. I want it black please
– A double espresso
– A latte with extra milk and sugar
– This is disguting Yasmine, this isn’t coffee.
– Thank you for your input Gabrielle. I’ll have a double latte with extra extra milk and sugar please.
– D’you know darling, perhaps we might very well be able to do something with you
Melat floated away, leaving the four girls deep into their shared silence.
– I’m in love with a man who doesn’t want to become one.
– I’ve never really been in love.
– Shut up Yasmine, you’re like 12, you have all the time in the world.
– Fuck off Gabrielle I was almost married.
– Good girl, you’re learning to fend for yourself.
– And why were you looking ashen when we came?
– Grace wants us to leave Lebanon.
Lily’s outcry was overpowered by something none of them had seen before.
Nina was crying. In itself a sight more distressing than the last visit of the Pope, which, let’s face it, was extremely disturbing.
– Nina, Nina stop this, stop this this minute, Jesus Fucking Christ, Lily do something, Yasmin, bring her water, Nina I’m not going anywhere, khalas, I’m just fighting with Grace at the moment We’re not leaving, khalas habibti dakheelik if you stop crying I’ll even be nice to Beiruti Princess over here, shou fi, lek shou fi, redde! Is it the shop?
Nina smiled between her tears.
No the shop is good, I wanted to tell you about this, but no, it’s silly, I just, I met someone.
The girls took a collective intake of breath. Nina’s private life was usually kept very private, as in, she worked all day all night and did not seem interested in anyone, even though lots of men, and women, seemed very interested indeed.
– And I think I’m pregnant. Except I’m so scared I’m in complete denial and don’t want to take neither the test, nor his calls and I’m petrified and this is why I’m not smoking this cigarette you gave me, that’s because I’m so scared, and I’m not sure I want it if I really am pregnant. My mother will die.
They all looked stunned.
– The Fuck?
– Jesus. Jesus.
Gabrielle couldn’t bring herself to finish off with Fucking Christ. A couple of meters away, sitting at a nearby table, Hamed from Mashrou3 Leila was writing down lyrics for a new song while humming Imm el Jacket. Beirut lived on, its noise filling the deathly silence of their table.