I Can’t Get No Sleep

No, not only a Faithless song.

Insomnia seems to become part of my reality, as if my body REALLY enjoyedwaking up at 3:54 and thinking: Sleep? That old thing? NAAAAAAH I’m well off without it.

Thing is, Body, Spirit or Mind, my inner soul would LOVE some sleep, would actually cherish every moment of it. Sometimes, I just feel like saying, Ok, Good Night everyone, that’s enough life for me for today, bring the oblivion please. Which would last for about 2 hours. And then, I’m SUPER awake, more awake than I’ve ever felt, I’m so awake that I start organising my life, go over conversations, thoughts and feelings and fears going round and round in my head, until sleep is no longer an option. It seems that nowadays I have to sort out my life between 3:54 and 6:40. Then I drift off. Then my alarm rings, at 6:45. Then I REALLY want a cigarette. Yes, at 6:45. I’ll probably become one of those older Arab women who drink their coffee and smoke their cigarettes from their bed before even stepping out of it, screaming orders at the top my lungs (or what’s left of them) with a raspy voice.

Anyway, so what do I do when I can’t sleep? First I toss, then I turn, then keep looking for a fresh part in my bed or on my pillow. Emotional elevators tend to come at around 5:00, when I’m done with practicalities. I agonise over mundane things that seem too small to even notice in broad daylight. When I get to accepting the fact than there will be no sleeping for me anymore, I simply decide to live with it, and check what I could do. This is usually when novels are finished (both mine and other people’s), blogs are read (especially this one, product of another Sleepless Soul), lists are made, life is organised. When I was younger, my Sleepless company was Fiona Apple. I’ve listened to When the Pawn over a hundred times when I was 16, waiting for her (raspy) voice to nurse me to sleep. Now I just plug Shadi Zaqtan in my ears and go on about my business, my insomnia nicely taken care of with a lovely soundtrack to go with it.

Insomniac people probably think too much, all the time, taking a washing machine approach to life, tossing, turning, agonising, going round and round. And one day, just like that, some parts of your brain just resolve whatever issue you might have, and you have nothing else to write about, because seriously, what’s interesting about a good night sleep? 🙂